This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What….am….I???

As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own………….

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Three women were undergoing recruitment by the KGB.

“An agent must be absolutely loyal to the agency and must not question or disobey orders, no matter what he or she thinks of them,” said the recruiter. “Each of you must take the final loyalty test.”

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A young fellow walks into a talent agent’s office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so the agent says “O.K. kid show me what you do”.

The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and is good enough to impress the agent.

“Great kid! Just great!” says the agent “I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V.” (this was the early sixties) “By the way, what’s your name?”

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This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “NERDS NOT ALLOWED — ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!”

He goes in and sits down.

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Dear Friends,

Many of you may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last 2 years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book.

I believe my new book on GOLF gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my years of struggle and experience. I’m hopeful you find this a useful tool to help you enjoy your game that much more as you enjoy the great outdoors.

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt.

Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Nike from the Rough, when you Hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water when You Lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank.

Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger.

Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings.

Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management.

Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Before 9:00 a.m.

Chapter 9 – How to Rationalize a 6 Hour Round.

Chapter 10- When Does A Divot become classified as Sod.

Chapter 11 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the water.

Chapter 12 – Why your Spouse Doesn’t Care That You Birdied the 5th..

Chapter 13 – Using Curse words Creatively to Control Ball Flight.

Chapter 14 – When to Let a Foursome Play through Your Twosome.

Chapter 15 – How to Relax When You Are Hitting five off the Tee.

Chapter 16 – When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent.

Chapter 17 – God and the Meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey Three Putt.

Chapter 18 – When to Regrip Your Ball Retriever.

Chapter 19 – Throwing Your Clubs: An Effective Stress-Reduction Technique.

Chapter 20 – Can You Purchase a Better Golf Game?

Chapter 21 – Proper Apology for Clearing Your Throat During Opponent’s Backswing.

Chapter 22 – Why Male Golfers Will Pay .00 a Beer from the Cart Girl and Give her a Tip , but will balk at .50 at the 19th Hole and stiff the Bartender.

Thanking you in advance for your order.