I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can no longer afford batteries.

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street “Wal-Mart Street.”

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.

It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.

After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What….am….I???

As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than your very own………….

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Three women were undergoing recruitment by the KGB.

“An agent must be absolutely loyal to the agency and must not question or disobey orders, no matter what he or she thinks of them,” said the recruiter. “Each of you must take the final loyalty test.”

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A young fellow walks into a talent agent’s office and says he wants to break into show-biz, so the agent says “O.K. kid show me what you do”.

The kid tells some jokes, does a little soft shoe, sings a bit, does an acrobatic act with an ottoman, and is good enough to impress the agent.

“Great kid! Just great!” says the agent “I can do things for ya! I think I can get you a show on T.V.” (this was the early sixties) “By the way, what’s your name?”

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This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying “NERDS NOT ALLOWED — ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!”

He goes in and sits down.

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