Category Archives: Because I Can

The Plane That Flew Itself

In 1970, a plane got fed up with its pilot so it hatched an audacious plan. First, get rid of the pilot. Second: land. Third: enter history. The result was amazing.

On February 2, 1970 four pilots of the 71st Fighter-Interceptor Squadron were to take off from the Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana. They were to do so on Convair F-106A-100-CO Delta Darts and engage in mock combat.

But one plane had ideas of its own. Just as it was about to take off, its drag chute deployed – forcing its pilot to abort.

So then there were three. Major Tom Curtis was to “fight” Major Jim Lowe and Captain Gary Faust. No problem – they’d been through this before. Or so they thought.

The three split up to begin their dogfight. Once they were 20 miles apart, ground controllers gave them all different vectors to ensure that each had a fair chance. From that point on, they could do whatever they felt was necessary to win.

Curtis went after Faust first, so he accelerated to Mach 1.90. The plan was to force Faust into a vertical engagement that would put him at a disadvantage.

The three planes zoomed toward each other and overshot. Curtis climbed, forcing the other two to try and catch up. Having entered the climb faster, he had the advantage, but it couldn’t last.

So he switched to vertical scissors – using his speed to climb and dive in a spiral while doing a barrel roll. He then took it a step further by widening his spirals, forcing the other two to break out of their own climb.

Once past 38,000 feet, Curtis did a high-G rudder reversal – turning and rolling to reduce his thrust, thereby forcing his “enemy” to overshoot him. It worked… sort of. Faust took the bait, which probably annoyed his plane.

Tail number 58-0787 shuddered, then went into an accelerated stall – meaning it suddenly plunked its nose downward. Then it made a beeline toward the ground.

Curtis saw it all. From his angle, it looked as if the plane’s tail was doing a slow circuit around its wobbling nose – disaster! It’s called a flat spin. And once an F-106A does that, it’s almost as good as dead.

Fortunately, the men were seasoned, professional pilots. Lowe’s calm voice came over Faust’s radio – carefully going over spin recovery procedures step-by-step. Faust followed them all faithfully, trying to maneuver the plane’s nose at an angle that would break its spin.

He set the plane’s trim to the take-off position, but 58-0787 refused to respond. Trimming frees the pilot from having to exert constant pressure on the controls, but it did no good. Nothing worked.

There was only one thing left to do – activate the drag chute. This wasn’t meant to be used in flight, however. It’s only for extra braking when a plane lands. The hope was that it would slow the plane down enough so Faust could get it at the angle needed to break its spin.

So he deployed it, and off it went… wrapping itself around 58-0787’s vertical stabilizer. Perhaps even more annoyed by that, the F-106A continued its downward spiral of doom. Faust had exhausted all of his options.

And having fallen below the 15,000 feet mark, he had also run out of time. If he was to survive, he had to bail – so he did.

It was the signal that 58-0787 was waiting for. The blast that catapulted Faust out was exactly what was needed to push its nose straight down.

The plane broke out of its spin, leveled off, and resumed flying in a straight line – albeit with a slight left and right wobbling. Even better, Faust had set the trim to take-off, which was similar to the landing trim position. And best of all, he had moved the throttle to “idle” – putting the plane into a steady gliding descent.

Except that he was no longer in it. Lowe saw it all and couldn’t help laughing, “Gary? You better get back into that thing!”

But 58-0787 was having none of it. Freed of its human, at last, it flew off into the vast blue skies above northern Montana. Faust, meanwhile, could only watch in awe as his plane continued to fly on without him as he slowly parachuted down into the snow-covered Bear Paw Mountains.

Curtis and Lowe radioed his position and headed back to base. All three hoped that wherever 58-0787 crashed, it wouldn’t be on anyone below. As for Faust, he was rescued shortly after landing by a group of Native Americans on snowmobiles.

But 58-0787 had no intention of crashing. Traveling at about 175 knots, it reveled in its new-found freedom till it reached the town of Big Sandy (population: 598 in 2010) in Chouteau County. Seeing a lovely snow-covered alfalfa field, it made a slow, steady downward glide till it touched ground.

Delighted by the snow, it continued to slide, making sure to stay steady and avoid letting either wing touch the earth. But there was trouble ahead. Cutting across the field at an angle to its approach lay a low, stone wall with only a narrow gap in the middle.

So 58-0787 slid to the right, did a 20° turn, slipped through the opening, and continued on into the next field where it finally stopped before an astonished farmer. The man called the sheriff, of course, who called the base.

They asked him to assess the damage, but each time he tried to get close, 58-0787 would jiggle and dance, trying to get away. Finally, the authorities told him to just let the thing be – it would run out of fuel, eventually.

By the time the military got there, it had done just that – almost two hours later. So they took off its wings and hauled it back to base. To their surprise, except for some superficial scratches on its underside, it was still flight-worthy and later put back in active service.

They called Faust the “Cornfield Bomber” after that, but he was not a bomber. Nor did 58-0787 land in a cornfield. It now rests at the National Museum of the US Air Force, restored to its former glory, and no doubt reminiscing about its Montana adventure.

58-0787 resting on an alfalfa field in Montana

58-0787 after making a right turn to avoid the stone wall

Major Gary Foust (retired) with 58-0787 (also retired) behind him

Happy Birthday, Philip K. Dick

Philip K. Dick

Philip K. Dick (December 16, 1928 – March 2, 1982)

Philip Kindred Dick was an American science fiction novelist and short story writer. He often drew upon his own life experiences and addressed the nature of drug use, paranoia and schizophrenia, and mystical experiences in novels such as A Scanner Darkly and VALIS.

In addition to his novels, Dick wrote approximately 121 short stories, many of which appeared in science fiction magazines. Although Dick spent most of his career as a writer in near-poverty, nine of his stories have been adapted into popular films since his death, including Blade Runner, Total Recall, A Scanner Darkly and Minority Report. In 2005, Time Magazine named Ubik one of the one hundred greatest English-language novels published since 1923. In 2007, Dick became the first science fiction writer to be included in The Library of America series.

Happy Birthday, Arthur C. Clarke

Sir Arthur Charles Clarke, (December 16, 1917 – March 19, 2008) was a British science fiction author, inventor, and futurist, most famous for his novel 2001: A Space Odyssey, and for collaborating with director Stanley Kubrick on the film of the same name.

Wikipedia Article

RIP Walt Disney

Walter Elias Disney was an American film producer, director, screenwriter, voice actor, animator, entrepreneur, visionary, and philanthropist. He was the son of Flora and Elias Disney, and had three brothers and one sister. As the co-founder (with his brother Roy O. Disney) of Walt Disney Productions, Walt became one of the best-known motion picture producers in the world.

Walt Disney

Walt Disney (December 5, 1901 – December 15, 1966)

Wikipedia Link

Inexperienced Chili Taster

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

“Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge’s table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn’t be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.

Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike’s Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy cow, what the heck is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that’s the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

Chili # 2: Arthur’s Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I’m not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3: Fred’s Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I’ve located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I’m getting drunk from all the beer.

Chili # 4: Bubba’s Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. wench is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I’m eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5: Linda’s Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I’m burning my lips off? It really makes me mad that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. The heck with those rednecks!

Chili # 6: Vera’s Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I messed myself when I farted and I’m worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can’t feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone!

Chili # 7: Susan’s Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn’t feel a damn thing. I’ve lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like stuff to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy they’ll know what killed me. I’ve decided to stop breathing, it’s too painful. The heck with it, I’m not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I’ll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8: Helen’s Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he’s going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he’d have reacted to a really hot chili?

FRANK: ————– (editor’s note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

 

 

RIP John Glenn – Go join your Mercury 7 teammates

And then there were none

John Glenn (July 18, 1921 – December 8, 2016)

John Herschel Glenn Jr. was an American aviator, engineer, astronaut, and United States Senator from Ohio. In 1962 he became the first American to orbit the Earth, circling three times. Before joining NASA, he was a distinguished fighter pilot in both World War II and Korea, with five Distinguished Flying Crosses and eighteen clusters.

He was one of the “Mercury Seven” group of military test pilots selected in 1959 by NASA to become America’s first astronauts. On February 20, 1962, Glenn flew the Friendship 7 mission and became the first American to orbit the Earth and the fifth person in space. Glenn received the Congressional Space Medal of Honor in 1978, and was inducted into the U.S. Astronaut Hall of Fame in 1990. Glenn was the last surviving member of the Mercury Seven after the death of Scott Carpenter.

Glenn resigned from NASA in 1964 and announced plans to run for a U.S. Senate seat from Ohio. A member of the Democratic Party, he first won election to the Senate in 1974 where he served through January 3, 1999.

He retired from the Marine Corps in 1965, after twenty-three years in the military, with over fifteen medals and awards, including the NASA Distinguished Service Medal and the Congressional Space Medal of Honor. In 1998, while still a sitting senator, he became the oldest person to fly in space, and the only one to fly in both the Mercury and Space Shuttle programs as crew member of the Discovery space shuttle. He was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2012.

No man is a failure…

Dear George:—
Remember no man is a failure who has friends.
Thanks for the wings!
Love
Clarence.

Pearl Harbor

pearl_harbor_75th_anniversary

My personal thanks for all of those who served, lived and died.

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Christmas Lights – Ditto

Christmas Lights Ditto

Happy Birthday, Walt Disney

Walter Elias Disney was an American film producer, director, screenwriter, voice actor, animator, entrepreneur, visionary, and philanthropist. He was the son of Flora and Elias Disney, and had three brothers and one sister. As the co-founder (with his brother Roy O. Disney) of Walt Disney Productions, Walt became one of the best-known motion picture producers in the world.

Walt Disney

Walt Disney (December 5, 1901 – December 15, 1966)

Wikipedia Link

Please just go…

Here’s 23 celebrities who said they would leave the country if Trump won… I’m passing the hat…

<Click Here>

 

Christmas Lights

Don’t Forget to Mail Those Christmas Cards!

Postal Crack

Happy Birthday, Rex Stout

Rex Stout

Rex Stout (December 1, 1886 – October 27, 1975)

Rex Todhunter Stout was an American writer noted for his detective fiction. Stout is best known as the creator of the larger-than-life fictional detective Nero Wolfe, described by reviewer Will Cuppy as “that Falstaff of detectives.” Wolfe’s assistant Archie Goodwin recorded the cases of the detective genius from 1934 (Fer-de-Lance) to 1975 (A Family Affair).

Happy Birthday, Dick Clark!

Dick Clark

Richard Wagstaff “Dick” Clark (November 30, 1929 – April 18, 2012)

Richard Wagstaff “Dick” Clark is an American television personality and businessman, best known for hosting long-running shows such as American Bandstand, various Pyramid game shows, and Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve.

Clark has long been known for his continued youthful appearance, earning the moniker “America’s Oldest Teenager”, and also for his good health — until he suffered a stroke in 2004. With some speech ability still impaired, Clark made a dramatic return to his New Year’s show on December 31, 2005, and appeared at the Emmy Awards on August 27, 2006.

Wikipedia Link

Happy 20th Birthday, Diablo!

On November 30, 1996… we all heard Griswald say, “Hello” for the first time.

Diablo Cover

November 30, 1996 –

RIP Leslie Nielsen

“I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley”

Leslie Nielsen

Leslie Nielsen (February 11, 1926 – November 28, 2010)

Leslie William Nielsen, OC was a Canadian American actor and comedian. Nielsen appeared in over one hundred films and 1,500 television programs over the span of his career, portraying over 220 characters.

Born in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada, Nielsen enlisted in the Royal Canadian Air Force and worked as a disc jockey before receiving a scholarship to Neighborhood Playhouse. Beginning with a television role in 1948, he quickly expanded to over 50 television appearances two years later. Nielsen appeared in his first films in 1956 and began collecting roles in dramas, westerns, and romance films. Nielsen’s lead roles in the films Forbidden Planet (1956) and The Poseidon Adventure (1972) received positive reviews as a serious actor, though he is primarily known for his comedic roles.

Wikipedia Link

Tombstones of Famous People

Death. The great equalizer.

Life may be infinitely unfair, but in death, we’re all in the same boat. Here are tombstone inscriptions from the graves of famous people. Some funny, others clever, some insightful, others angry, some sad, others optimistic.

Winston Churchill: “I am ready to meet my maker. Whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another question.”

Rodney Dangerfield: “There goes the neighborhood.”

Merv Griffin: “I will not be right back after this message.” 

Stan Laurel: “A genius of comedy. His genius in the art of humor brought gladness to the world he loved.”

Oliver Hardy: “A genius of comedy. His talent brought joy and laughter to the world.”

Billy Wilder: “I’m a writer but then nobody’s perfect.”

Jesse James: “Murdered by a traitor and a coward whose name is not worthy to appear here.”

Isaac Newton: “Nature and nature’s laws lay hid in night, God said ‘Let Newton be!’ and all was light.”

Frank Sinatra: “The best is yet to come.”

Doc Holliday: “He died in bed.”

Billy the Kid: “Truth and history. 21 men. The boy bandit king. Died as he lived.”

George Washington: “Looking into the portals of eternity teaches that the brotherhood of man is inspired by God’s word: then all prejudice of race vanishes away.”

Dean Martin: “Everybody loves somebody sometime.”

Edgar Allan Poe: “Quoth the raven, nevermore.”

Jayne Mansfield: “We live to love you more each day.”

Robert Frost: “I had a lover’s quarrel with the world.”

Mel Blanc: “That’s all folks.”

Jack Lemmon: “Jack Lemmon in.”

Bonnie Parker (of Bonnie and Clyde): “As the flowers are all made sweet by the sunshine and dew, so this world’s made brighter by the lives of folks like you.”

Karl Marx: “The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways. The point is to change it.”

Don Adams: “Would you believe………”

Leslie Nielsen: “Let ‘er rip.”

Jackie Gleason: “And away we go.”

Bette Davis: “She did it the hard way.”

The Unknown Soldier: “To save your world you asked this man to die. Would this man, could he see you now, ask why?”

Happy Thanksgiving!

Undocumented Immigrant

John F. Kennedy

John F. Kennedy

John Fitzgerald Kennedy (May 29, 1917–November 22, 1963)

The assassination of John F. Kennedy, the thirty-fifth President of the United States, took place on Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas, USA at 12:30 p.m. CST (18:30 UTC). John F. Kennedy was fatally wounded by gunshots while riding with his wife Jacqueline in a presidential motorcade through Dealey Plaza. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald, an employee of the Texas School Book Depository in Dealey Plaza, according to the conclusions of multiple government investigations, including the ten-month investigation of the Warren Commission of 1963-4 and the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations (HSCA) of 1976-9. This conclusion initially met with widespread support among the American public, but polls, since the original 1966 Gallup poll, show a majority of the public hold beliefs contrary to these findings. The assassination is still the subject of widespread speculation and has spawned numerous conspiracy theories (even the HSCA, based on disputed acoustical evidence, concluded that Oswald may have had unspecified co-conspirators), though these theories have not generally been accepted by mainstream historians and no single compelling alternative theory has emerged.